In my early career I always thought that if you had a coach, you must need help and then that must mean you aren’t finding success. Then, of course, deep down came the doubt. That was well before the term “imposter syndrome” was coined.
I was always the youngest among my peers and my “mentors,” usually women of color, whom I adored and welcomed advice from. They would often school me that “when you get older and have a bit more experience under you, you will understand.” Because early in my career, like many new professionals, we believe we know just about everything and that our opinions are always right. Sadly, only experience teaches us differently. That is why, early on, especially, it is critical for new leaders to surround themselves with a diverse mix of team members and support. It provides balance in your team thought processes, decision making and ultimately the actions you take. These early actions define who you are as a leader, and they become your reputation and brand. If not careful, actions not well thought out can undermine your values and efforts. Worst, one seemingly small action can ruin a career, especially in the public eye of the principalship or superintendency.
As I developed in my profession, I respected and honored advice from many mentor but saw a coach as something much different: Something reserved for others. Others who maybe weren’t living up to their full potential somehow, not as a critical tool for my own personal and professional continuous growth and improvement. This did not serve me well in some instances where had I had an executive coach, I would’ve had a broader lens for those decisions and actions. I may have made the same mistakes, but the difference is I would have thought them over and better weighed the impacts more broadly.
Now that I have 35 years of experience behind me, I know better. I wish I had listened more carefully, been more humble, and asked more questions. I wish I had asked for more help at times. Because having a coach, and seeking help, isn’t a sign of weakness or incompetence. It is actually a sign of maturity and understanding that you don’t know everything, and that there are many others who have come before you that you can learn from. Having a coach is the important piece of development that helps to refine your leadership and give you the perspective you need to ensure every move is well thought out, informed, and effective.
The worst thing a leader can do is think it’s “handled” and that they can do it alone. In most cases, when you have a coach, they help you be informed of the choices before you and help you discern which direction to go without telling you directly, but allowing you to come to your own decision and then help on the other side, whether that decision landed well, or crashed and burned.
Having a coach is how you win the game. Coaches get to know you, personally and professionally. They get to know your workplace. They take notes on the characteristics of your team and supervisors. They care only about you, your professional and personal growth as a leader and human, and they protect you. That is their job: To make you shine and to ensure the team wins.
These past two years, I’ve had the honor of coaching six amazing women leaders. These women all happen to be women of color. It was amazing watching them grow into more resilient, capable, and determined leaders. I was there at their lowest points to pick them up and let them know that this too shall pass, and I was there to celebrate their precious achievements, personal triumphs and transitions.
When you are a public school leader, everything can feel consequential. It is easy to give everything a little bit too much attention, because it feels like everything needs your immediate attention. What we do every day impacts the very real lives and future success of the children and families we serve. I do not take my job lightly. However, we are often our worst critics, and it all feels hard and overwhelming at times. That’s when your coach is needed the most. They are there to hold up the mirror and bring clarity to the situation. Help you think through it, reflect on options and respond effectively. They help you pause and question for deeper understanding before acting. This too is a sign of maturity.
Coaches are there for you through thick and thin. At least the good ones are. Unconditional. No matter how bad you might mess up, they are there to stand alongside you, many times when no one else will. To comfort you and help you be your best you! And when times are good, it’s great to have a confidential friend you can just be yourself with and share anything with, because you know they have your back and that’s a great feeling to have when you are a leader at the top. It can be a lonely spot, but you don’t have to go it alone. You can lean on your coach!